frustration.

so.

for those of you who don't know...i'm just about the most indecisive girl you'll ever meet. decisions are not my forte. in fact...i try to avoid them. like it's so bad that at restaurants that i have to just force myself pick something, unless i've already been there and know what's good.

so i'm listening to jonas brothers right now....and i don't hate it. haha...embarassing.

i feel like i'm at this crazy point in my life where i need to make some decisions fairly soon, otherwise...i'll be at this place of uncertainty forever. and as much fun as that is...ha not worth it.

i just don't know what to do. i love Boston...don't get me wrong. i do. and i have finally found a church in which i feel like i belong to, which i've never felt this way in my life! i've also re-discovered my love for swing dancing, which has been truly wonderful. i cannot tell you how happy it makes me. plus...there's nothing like walking around Boston when the weather is nice, people are out and about, things going on left and right...

the inspiration is endless.

the down side is that i'm not doing what i moved up here to do...which is further excel my career as a hair stylist. obviously the first salon i got a job at was not right for me, so i'm working at a restaurant now...which is fine, it's paying the bills. the benefits are nice too....but it's not a career and not what i will be doing for the rest of my life. that's for sure.

but AR will always be my home...i know that i can always come back to it if i want to. my heart is still there, that's for sure.

i know that if i knew the world was ending tomorrow...the first thing i'd be doing was hitchin a ride back to AR. but what does this mean?? i still want to accomplish so much here...and i feel like i have, but at the same time...i feel as though i need to be 100% committed to making it here..and i'm not anymore. maybe just because i'm afraid to fail? i don't know...ugh.

wow.

this is the first time i've gotten it all out in print. but i definitely need some prayers to further decide my next move.

time to hit the book...